


I'm with Stupid

by shinigami2174



Category: YiZhan/ZhanYi, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Comedy attempt, Double Entendre, Explicit Language, Get Together, M/M, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25864801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinigami2174/pseuds/shinigami2174
Summary: Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).Author notes 2: Thanks toJJSIN2020for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine.Author Notes 3: The song is I’m With Stupid by Pet Shop BoysI'm with stupidWarning Pleas ReadLanguage and double entendre.
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	I'm with Stupid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020/gifts).



> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to JJSIN2020 for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. 
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is I’m With Stupid by Pet Shop Boys
> 
> [I'm with stupid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff0tIB_lEpg)
> 
> Warning Pleas Read
> 
> Language and double entendre.

It was all the fucking karaoke’s fault! Zhan thought regretfully while he ran his hands through his hair. He had just made a fool of himself. He hoped Yi Bo hadn’t noticed, he was almost sure about it, that he had noticed and now he felt utterly embarrassed.

He looked at his beautiful clothes, especially picked for the occasion, they were discarded on the floor, making a mess in his room. They were silent witnesses of the absolute ridicule he had just subjected himself to.

Tears appeared in his eyes and he wondered how things went so wrong so fast. Memories invaded him as he remembered how this fiasco began a week ago.

It had been an innocent night out with his friends. The ‘pack’ was going out that night. Yu Bin had gotten the idea, he had named their group of friends as ‘the pack’. Their group was basically the whole of The Untamed cast plus one. 

That plus one was the one and only Kim Sung-joo, Yi Bo’s friend from UNIQ. He and Yu Bin had become fast friends, then friends with benefits and now they were lovers. Zhan was not envious…not at all.

The pack tried to get together once a month to keep in touch. Of course, it was not always possible for everyone to attend at the same time due to their busy schedules. 

That night, only Yu Bin, Kim Sung-joo, Xiao Zhan and Wang Yi Bo confirmed. They agreed to have dinner and then go to a karaoke place. Yu Bin and Xiao Zhan arrived first to the restaurant where they had reserved a private lounge. Yi Bo called Zhan to tell him that he was running late, and they shouldn’t wait for him. 

In the end, Kim Sung-joo offered to pick Yi Bo up and give him a ride so they would meet Zhan and Yu Bin at the restaurant. 

It started as an innocent conversation, a meaningless chat about how things were in their lives when Yu Bin decided it was time for Zhan to grow some balls and shamelessly prodded him. 

“Zhan, you should really tell him how you feel,” Yu Bin told him while looking at him with a hint of amusement in his eyes.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Yu Bin.”

“Why are you playing dumb? You know who I’m talking about. You should, you know, confess or something. This pining of yours is getting on my nerves.”

“I’m not pining over anybody,” Zhan denied vehemently. If only it was true. 

“It’s quite ridiculous really. You’re both adults, you like each other and you could be fucking like bunnies in heat right now,” Yu Bin smirked at his remark. “If all the UNIQ members have the same flexibility, you’ll have a lot of fun. I’m telling you,” he felt the need to add. He took enormous pleasure in making Zhan blush.

Zhan made a spluttering noise, almost choking on his water. He could not believe his ears! “What the actual fuck Yu Bin? Don’t be so shameless!”

“He likes you,” he said with a knowing voice, pointing at Zhan with his finger and wiggling his eyebrows. “He wants to know you in the biblical sense.”

“Stop it, we’re good friends. That’s all,” Zhan’s heart hurt, but it was the truth. Yi Bo and him were just good friends. He wasn’t going to admit it to Yu Bin, but he had carried a damn torch for Yi Bo since the filming of The Untamed. 

Their playful banter had hit too close to home in his case. Every touch, every tease had embodied an underlying meaning. And now, he could only see him at these reunions or on sporadic weekends when Yi Bo invited him to work on his motorcycle.

Yi Bo’s 1990 Harley-Davidson Fat Boy, was in fact a collector’s dream. Yi Bo insisted in taking care of it personally. Only Zhan had the privilege of changing its oil or cleaning its rods. 

It’s not like Zhan gave a flying fuck about motorcycles, because he didn’t. But Yi Bo adored that thing, so Zhan had watched countless on-line tutorials about motorbikes’ mechanics so he could offer his help with it. Yi Bo called it his baby.

He wouldn’t admit it to anybody, even to himself, but he was actually jealous of that cursed thing. The way that Yi Bo caressed its surfaces while polishing its paint never failed to give Zhan a fit of bitterness. How he wished he could be in its place. 

Enough of that nonsense, Zhan thought. Trying to concentrate on Yu Bin’s conversation.

“I’m telling you, Zhan. He has the hots for you,” Yu Bin was extremely insistent. It made Zhan’s conviction falter. Could it be true? What would he do if Yi Bo was actually attracted to him? 

That had been a recurring fantasy of him. Yi Bo telling him that he liked him that way. Yi Bo kissing him. No! He needed to snap out of it. He was being deluded by Yu Bin’s insisting ranting. Come on Zhan, you’ve got to keep it real!

“Just fucking admit it, Zhan! You are the only one of the pack members that actually gets to see Yi Bo privately. Everybody else sees him just in our monthly gatherings. He has a thing for you.”

“Yeah, I get to see him and his bike,” Zhan tried, really tried not to sound bitter, but he was utterly unsuccessful. “He just invites me to change its oil, or to polish its paint.”

“Wow!” Yu Bin said, trying to contain a mocking smirk growing on his face. “Jealous much, aren’t we?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would I be jealous of a vehicle?”

“Let’s see,” Yu Bin fake pondered, “Because it is the object of his affections, because he caresses it with so much tenderness. I’m almost sure he kisses it goodnight,” Yu Bin was cackling at Zhan’s sour face.

As much as Zhan wanted to deny all of it, Yu Bin was damn right. He was also sure Yi Bo had actually kissed his Harley Davison at some point. He was obsessed with it. And hell yeah, he was marinating in jealousy. 

“If you’re so sure he doesn’t like you that way, let’s wager. If you’re right and he doesn’t like you I’ll shut up forever, but…” Yu Bin let his words trail.

“But if I’m wrong, what do you want?” Zhan inquired. He was very hesitant. Yu Bin seemed so confident he was right.

“I’ll think of something. Nothing too indecent of course,” Yu Bin countered with a smug expression on his face.

Yi Bo chose that moment to arrive accompanied by Sung-joo. The first thing Zhan noticed was Yi Bo’s clothes. He arrived wearing his costume from the Being a Hero’s set. He was wearing a freaking uniform! Everything they say about a man in uniform is true, was Zhan’s first thought. 

“Close your mouth,” Yu Bin whispered in his ear, trying to be discreet for once.

Zhan reacted by harrumphing and tried to act like a fucking normal functioning adult, and not like a hormonal adolescent. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Yi Bo apologized. “I didn’t even have time to change.

“I can’t believe they let you go out in these clothes,” Zhan told him, unable to keep his eyes off of Yi Bo.

“Yeah well, I can be persuasive,” Yi Bo said, giving Zhan one of his lopsided trademark smirks.

Sung-joo reached for Yu Bin and gave him a hell of a kiss. Zhan suddenly felt like the air conditioning wasn’t working properly anymore. He purposely looked at anywhere but them, trying to avoid the yearning feeling that crept from his heart. He wanted that complicity, that intimacy.

He caught Yi Bo looking at him with a stern gaze that disappeared as soon as Zhan noticed it. 

Soon enough, the easy camaraderie permeated in everyone’s spirit and playful arguing and easy jokes dominated the conversation. That allowed Zhan to actually relax and enjoy his dinner.

Yi Bo settled the bill as soon as they finished dinner and they decided to carpool to the karaoke venue. Zhan had arrived in a taxi, so it worked well for him. Sung-joo would drop everybody home in the end.

Everybody except Sung-joo decided to drink some beers, so they got quite animated. After several ludicrous song choices they raised the bar and went for pure outrageousness. Xiao Zhan trying to sing Despacito was something hilarious. So when Yu Bin challenged Yi Bo to sing Ridi, Pagliaccio everybody erupted in peals of laughter. 

It was in the middle of this festive environment that everything went to shit. Zhan was a little lightheaded, the alcohol in his body gave him a pleasant buzz. He was truly enjoying himself and somewhat distracted when the heard Yi Bo speaking to him.

“…next Friday at 7:00 pm. Are you free?”

“What?” Zhan asked. Sung-joo was in the middle of his Judas Priest impersonation so the noise level was really high.

“The man is asking you if you are free next Friday,” Yu Bi intervened, always helpful.

Zhan tried to make sense of that. He really tried, but he just couldn’t. What exactly was Yi Bo asking? Almost on autopilot, he tried to remember his agenda for next week and realized that he was indeed free.

“Yeah, I’m free,” was his drunken answer.

“Perfect. Then I’ll see you next Friday at 7:00 pm at my home. It’s a date,” Yi Bo stated.

What the fuck had just happened? Had Yi Bo asked him for a date? Had he heard correctly? Yu Bin of course, felt the need to emphasize.

“Did you hear, Zhan Zhan? It’s a _date_.”

Could it be? Had Yi Bo just ask him out? Nah! Maybe?

After an hour, they were mildly drunk and extremely tired so they called it a night and went home. Zhan spent the whole week agonizing over what he was going to wear for his date with Yi Bo. He was a simple guy with simple tastes in his everyday life. He usually left the glamour confined within the boundaries of work. But this time, this time he wanted to make an exception.

So he actually asked for help. He didn’t want to commit a fashion blunder so he consulted with his stylist. She recommended some outfits that would make him look slender and elegant. His hair and make-up artist taught him how to bring out his eyes with a little eyeliner by himself. He didn’t want to appear before Yi Bo wearing borrowed clothes, so he actually went to buy one of the outfits suggested to him.

Friday finally arrived. To say he was nervous was a fucking understatement. When he stood up in front of Yi Bo’s doorway he was at the brink of a nervous breakdown. He had dolled himself up. He wanted to look good but not extremely produced.

So he finally gathered his courage and rang the doorbell. He heard Yi Bo’s steps approaching and he took a deep breath. Yi Bo opened the door in his rattiest oil stained clothes. He gave Zhan an once-over with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Zhan?” Yi Bo was looking at him with questioning eyes. “I don’t think your outfit is appropriate to work on my bike.”

Holy mother of fuck! That fucking bike again, Zhan thought. If that cursed thing were alive he would fucking kill it on the spot. How he wished to take that damned thing and ride it straight to a lake. They both could die together and end Zhan’s misery once and for all. Sure, he would also be dead and would have taken the love of Yi Bo’s life with him, but at this point he didn’t fucking care anymore.

He plastered on what he hoped was his most natural grin and not one of a maniac with crazy thoughts of murdering a motorized vehicle.

“Hi Bo!” Zhan tried to think on his feet to save some face. “I just came quickly to tell you I’ll be late. My manager booked me for a photo shot yesterday, and I thought I would finish early enough. I was mistaken,” he said in what he hoped was a cheerful natural voice.

Act normal for god’s sake! Zhan kept that thought like a mantra in his mind. “I’ll go home to change and I’ll be back in a bit,” he added, trying to sound nonchalant.  
Yi Bo kept looking at him. Finally, he conceded. “Okay Zhan, I’ll order something to eat meanwhile.”

Zhan turned around and walked towards his car. His whole body was shaking. He still couldn’t understand what just happened. You’re an idiot Zhan! How could you think…? He felt furious and disappointed at the same time.

Hopping into his car, he started driving. In his mind, he played that karaoke night again and again trying to elucidate the exact moment he had misunderstood Yi Bo’s words.

He remember Yu Bin’s relentless tirade about Yi Bo’s romantic inclination towards him and then he became enraged. He was trembling, so he pulled over and parked the car to call him.

Taking out his cellphone, he looked for Yu Bin’s contact and called him. Nobody answered him, and he was raging by now. Yu Bin’s voice mail finally picked so he took the opportunity to let out some of his frustration.

“Yu Bin you bastard! You need to stop messing with other people’s heads. Get a fucking life and live it! I don’t know if you get off fucking other people’s lives, but you need to look for help! You are a sick sad man. Eat shit and die!” he yelled.

He actually threw his cell phone to the car floor. He was livid. He breathed slowly until he regained some resemblance of control, turning the car on, he drove towards his home. 

The weight of what had just happened descended on him as soon as he crossed the door of his bedroom. Slowly, he undressed, leaving his clothes on the floor. He had spent a small fortune on them and his most pressing desire right now was to burn them. He was glad he had resisted the temptation of buying new underwear as well.

Resigned, he changed into his usual work clothes, the ones he always used when he helped Yi Bo with his baby. He needed to hurry back or Yi Bo could suspect something was amiss.

He channeled all his acting abilities, put on the best fake smile he could muster on his face and went back to Yi Bo’s.

The food had beaten him, arriving at Bo’s before he did. Bo was waiting for him, he was opening the food containers and putting some plates on the table. Zhan rang the doorbell for the second time that day feeling like shit, but trying to look like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Bo opened the door and let him in. He looked at him funny, but didn’t comment. They started eating in silent companionship, and Bo offered him a beer. Zhan hesitated, god knew he needed a fucking drink, but he had always been such a lightweight that he was afraid of having a slip of the tongue or doing something stupid.

Eventually he gave up all pretenses and took the beer. He planned to get absolutely plastered as soon as he went back to his home. For now, it was enough.

After finishing eating, they went to work. It marveled Zhan the things he did to get a little closer to Yi Bo. Motorcycles held as much interest to him as Yu Bin wearing a thong. The thought almost made him retch, it was so wrong. Yu Bin was like a sibling to him so…just no. And yet, here he was, helping Bo with an oil change and lubrication. He was absentminded tonight, he couldn’t help it so he didn’t exactly listen to what Bo was saying.

“…nano-lubricants are the best for shafts,” Bo told him.

“Beg your pardon?” was Zhan startled response. What’s wrong with you Zhan? He thought. For some reason, those words made him think about other kind of lubricants, the fun type. His treacherous mind provided him with vivid images of the uses of those lubricants. He even imagined Bo using them on him. Biting his lower lip, he had to swallow the moan that formed in this throat. He would have liked to swallow other things, but it was official, his life sucked.

“Are you okay, Zhan? You seem…distracted,” Bo questioned him.

“I’m fine,” he lied. “Just a little bit tired, you know.”

“I was telling you about an article about nano-lubricants I just read. They added nano-particles to widely used lubricants and they are better and environmentally friendly.”

“Mn,” 

“They are excellent to overcome friction in shafts, rods and axles,” Yi Bo went on. 

Zhan actually felt himself blush. What the fuck was happening to him?

“How interesting,” he pretended to care about it. He must have zoned out again, because the next thing he heard really threw him off-balance.

“Hold my shaft Zhan, I need to lubricate it,” Bo requested.

“Huh?” was his stellar response.

Bo looked at him again, but this time he looked worried. His eyes darted from Zhan to the rod he held in his hands.

“Oh…of course!” He held it and tried to pay more attention to their conversation. After this faux pas, he got his shit together and effectively helped Yi Bo.

It was past midnight when they finished. Both took out their work globes and went to clean up. Zhan had to admit he was physically tired, but this time with Bo had made the utter ridicule and the emotional devastating aftermath a little less painful. 

He was ready to go home and sleep when suddenly Yi Bo’s thumb caressed his cheek. Surprised, he looked at Yi Bo.

“You have some grease smeared on your face,” Yi Bo explained.

“Oh, thanks! Well, I should get going,” He said and walked towards the door. He grabbed the doorknob to open it when he felt Yi Bo’s hand on his. 

Confused, he turned to look at Yi Bo who was looking at him intensely. “Next Friday, are you free?” Bo asked.

“I think so, I’m not sure. I’ll check. Why?”

“Do you think? Would you…go on a real date with me?” Bo sounded nervous.

A small smile grew on Zhan’s face. “Are you asking me out?” he wanted to be sure he understood correctly this time.

“Yeah,” Bo confirmed. “Could you wear the same clothes you were wearing today? You looked amazing in those.”

“Sure,” he said.

Bo’s lips tried to catch Zhan’s, but he took a step back. “I don’t kiss on the first date, Mr. Wang,” he said playfully.

“What about the second one?” Yi Bo asked unfazed.

“We’ll see,” he felt so happy he could explode.

On his way back home, he took his cellphone and called Yu Bin again. After the third ring, someone picked up. It was Sung-joo.

“Hi, can I talk to Yu Bin, please?”

“Should I be afraid of you? Your last message was…unsettling,” Sung-joo said.

Zhan actually cringed when he remembered all the things he had said to Yu Bin. “I’ll…apologize.”

“He’s in the shower right now.”

“Okay then, please do me a favor. Tell him he was right and he won.”

“Thank fuck! Yi Bo called to threaten him about that stupid wager, at least you are more reasonable.”

A shit-eating green flourished on Zhan’s face. “Thank you, Sung-joo.”

“You’re very welcome,” Sung-joo ended the call.

Next month, at the pack’s monthly gathering Zhan and Bo broke the news to their friends. They were dating now. Of course, nobody could stop laughing at their matching outfits. 

Yi Bo who was wearing his new t-shirt. _I’m with stupid_ could be read on it. Zhan wore a matching one that said _Guess I’m stupid_. Yu Bin had made sure their wager was properly settled.

When Zhan asked him about it he just said, “You were being stupid and dense, so I figured I had to help you to get some. Besides, your boyfriend kept pestering mine, so if you got some, I would get some more,” he said with undeniable smugness. In the end, it worked out for everyone.


End file.
